Dear Me 2000,
February 8, 2010It’s 2010?! That fact just kind of hit me. Where are my hoverboots and flying car already? I decided it would be fun to write a letter to myself in the year 2000 as a primer for the next decade. Enjoy!
Dear Me 2000,
I know things seem kind of stale and banal at the moment, but don’t worry, it’s about to get much more interesting (and scary). I just wanted to write you this letter to give you a hint as to what the next decade holds in store. No one did it for me but I wish they had.
Don’t worry, you’ll get a job (several, actually). It is NOT ok to put in an 8 hr. day at work and an 8 hr. night at the bar. You’ll learn that one pretty quick.
Another thing, here’s a rule of thumb to live by: If you find them on a bar stool, leave them on a bar stool. Understood? Are we clear on that? You won’t listen but you should.
Let’s see, what else? Oh yeah, you know that DVD collection you’ve been working on? Forget it. You might as well use them as coasters. Oh and your cd collection? You’ll be able to fit that in your pocket in a couple years. Matter of fact, you won’t need cds at all. Cover art is no longer a big deal.
Whatever you do, don’t let anyone trick you into reading books about boy wizards.
Get in the habit of washing your hands. Just trust me.
Oh by the way, the president is black.
Cut up your credit cards now. Go do it. I’ll wait…
Learn to use the word ‘google’ as a verb.
Stay away from spinach around 05-06 and don’t put too much stock in your stocks.
If you think that Brittney Spears is hot now, man you just wait…
Invent something called YouTube. Get on it.
As you’re about to learn, Florida is incompetent. In another four years, you’ll learn that Ohio is equally incompetent. Matter of fact, that word, incompetent, is gonna flash through your mind for roughly the next 8 years. DON’T FREAK OUT! It’ll be ok, relatively speaking.
Tiger Woods is still the golden child of all sports.
In other sports news, everyone is on steroids for most of the decade.
A lot of people are going to die or get hurt all over the world from natural disasters and other man-made disasters. This part is really terrible. Try to help whenever you can.
On TV, you’re going to be subjected to a lot of shows about people who have no business being on television. They’re called ‘reality’ shows but no one thinks they’re real anymore.
If by any chance you meet a woman named Kate Gosselin, DO NOT sleep with her.
Medical pot is legal in 14 states, including New Jersey. Try not to have an aneurysm when you read this. It’s not nearly as cool as your college mind might percieve it to be.
Don’t bother buying a dictionary, encyclopedia or thesaurus ever again.
You live in an amazingly beautiful and diverse country. Go see and learn about as much of it as you can while you’re still young.
Don’t worry about losing touch with anyone, ever. Chances are you’ll be able to find out how they’re doing pretty much 24/7.
Hold back the chuckles when you see someone using a Mac.
I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s gonna be a rough decade, filled with ups, downs, twists, turns, slides, declines, inclines, more declines and a girl named Paris.
No matter what happens, just try not to get too high or too low. You’re gonna be just fine.
Sincerely,
You 2010
What a great mind you have. Keep writing. btw – how come every time i see your name i think of that day we tried to write a screenplay over beers at the pirate ship? All we came up with was a dead girl at a morgue and a Bob Dylan song, but still…in my mind it is the best movie ever not made. Miss you bro.